The Sins of the Felt According to gabro

🔥 Share the fuego…

Let me paint the scene:
The cards are flying, the chips are stacked, the energy is electric… and then someone ruins the entire vibe by licking their fingers before grabbing their cards. 😤

Welcome to The Sins of the Felt.

This isn’t a polite rules list from the back of a pamphlet. This is the gospel according to gabro — served hot, straight from the smoky velvet trenches of the pit. Whether you’re a seasoned high-roller or just wandered in thinking roulette has a “W” in it, this is your survival scroll.

🎲💀🎲

1️⃣ Sticky Fingers Are the Devil’s Work

Nacho dust. Vape juice. Glitter from last night’s bad decisions. If it’s on your hands, it better not touch my felt.
I’ve seen too many crimes against cleanliness.
🧼 Wipe your hands.
🧼 Wipe your attitude while you’re at it.

🧃🍗🎲

2️⃣ Thou Shalt Not Monologue Mid-Hand

This is not your podcast.
This is not your TEDxTalk.
If you launch into a full-blown trauma story while I’m calculating payouts, I will forget how to count and blame you entirely.
Save the vent session for the slots or your therapist. I’m not billing insurance.

🎙️🙅‍♂️🎙️

3️⃣ Respect the Rituals (Or Be Cursed)

Tap your bets.
Keep your paws off your chips once the cards are dealt.
Every table has sacred flow, and if you break it, you’ll be spiritually hexed with cold streaks and shameful player points.

🕯️🐍🕯️

4️⃣ Do Not Cast Me as the Villain in Your Breakup Movie

I’m just the dealer, babe.
I didn’t tell you to double down on that 12.
I didn’t manifest that 6 of clubs.
If your boyfriend dumped you and your latte melted, maybe don’t bet the rent money on a hard six while giving me the death glare.

☕💔🎭

5️⃣ The Dealer Is Not Your Punching Bag (Unless We’re Roleplaying)

We absorb your sass, your side-eyes, your tragic math choices, and we still smile.
But slam a chair one more time and I will cast a spell for your next Uber to be a shared ride with your ex.
Keep it cute or keep it silent.

🚕👊🏻😶

6️⃣ Tip Like a Decent Human, Not a Gremlin

You’re throwing black chips like confetti but can’t toss me a red?
Don’t say “make it lucky” and then stiff me like I’m a vending machine.
A dollar tip is literally the cost of good karma.
No tip? No blessings. I said what I said.

💸🍀😇

7️⃣ No DIY Pit Bosses Allowed

Nobody deputized you to enforce Basic Strategy.
Keep your unsolicited blackjack sermons to yourself.
If someone splits tens, gasp internally and clutch your pearls, but let it go.
We’re not issuing licenses for Backseat Dealing tonight.

📢❌🎓

8️⃣ This Table Is Not Your Emotional Dumping Ground

We’ve all got baggage, sweetie. But if you’re sobbing about your third divorce between hands, it’s giving “therapy session with fluorescent lighting.”
Take it to the buffet. The dice can’t carry your emotional labor.

😭🎲🍛

9️⃣ Don’t Summon Bad Juju with Whining

“I NEVER WIN!”
Congrats, now none of us will.
Words have power, and you just cast a black magic curse on the table.
Zip it. Let the cards do the talking. If you’re gonna cry, at least do it glamorously.

👁️‍🗨️🧿💀

🔟 Know When to Walk Away, Drama Queen

If you’ve hit the ATM three times and started praying to the cocktail server for mercy, it’s time to go.
There’s no shame in bowing out — just don’t make it a performance.
This ain’t Les Misérables. Pack it up.

🎭🏧🚪

🎰✨💋

Final Whisper from the Pit Prophet

The table is wild.
It’s messy. It’s glamorous. It’s Vegas.
And these sins?
They’re written not in stone, but in velvet, lipstick, and spilled Crown Apple.

Respect the energy.
Respect the game.
And respect the person flipping your cards in heels and attitude.

Blessed be the roller who knows how to behave.

See you at the felt, darling. Or at the bar. Same vibe. 🍸

💋
gabro

🎲🃏🎭

P.S. don’t forget to tip your dealer! 😉