A Broke Bitch’s Second Bill of Rights (Now With More Toilet Paper)

A humanist remix for the exhausted, the empathic, and the underpaid.

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If “Starbucks at 2AM” was the midnight confessional, this is the day (night?) after manifesto. (Well, I think we’re officially still in the same day. Time doesn’t exist in Nevada. 😵‍💫)

Because once the espresso high wears off and the breakfast sandwich regret sets in, I’m left staring into the beige abyss of my own thoughts like, “Wait… why does this system suck so hard?”

Like, I’m not a politician. I’m not running for office. I’m just a tired, decent person with a mediocre credit score and enough empathy to question why anyone has to suffer when we’ve literally invented robots that can deliver tacos and facial recognition toilets.

So I pulled up an old speech from 1944: Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Second Bill of Rights. I gotta be honest, it slapped harder than expected. This man was definitely onto something.

He basically said: “Political rights aren’t enough. People need economic rights, too. Like, you shouldn’t have to be rich to eat, rest, learn, or not die.”

A concept so radical that nearly a century later… we’re still not doing it.

So in the spirit of human decency, late-night carbs, and my undying broke bitch optimism, I give you:

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A Broke Bitch’s Second Bill of Rights (Now With More Toilet Paper) 🧻

1. The Right to a Life That Doesn’t Feel Like a Survival Game

You should not have to budget for joy like it’s a luxury item.
You should not feel guilty for ordering avocado toast.
You should not need three side hustles just to afford a sandwich and therapy.

2. The Right to Rest Without Earning It

You don’t have to “deserve” a nap.
Rest is not a reward. Rest is a requirement.
If your body says “please lay down,” that is not laziness, that’s biology with boundaries.

3. The Right to Eat Without Proving You’re Starving

You shouldn’t need to cry in an interview to qualify for food assistance.
Eating is not a moral issue.
Nobody should have to choose between groceries and gas — or worse, groceries and insulin.

4. The Right to a Home That Doesn’t Feel Like a Countdown

A place to live should not come with an expiration date or a daily threat of eviction.
Housing isn’t a reward for working, it’s a requirement for surviving.
And no, landlords are not a protected species.

5. The Right to Healthcare Without a Coupon Code

Your life should not depend on what kind of job you have, or what network your urgent care accepts.
“Don’t die” shouldn’t come with a $6,000 deductible.
And no one, I mean no one, should be forced to Google “natural alternatives to insulin.”

6. The Right to Learn Without Debt Trauma

Knowledge should be a public good, not a luxury subscription.
College shouldn’t feel like a financial trapdoor.
And trade schools? Let’s stop pretending they’re backup plans. They’re backbone plans.

7. The Right to Work Without Disrespect

Jobs should pay living wages. Period.
No one should be humiliated just to make rent.
No more “it’s an entry-level job” as an excuse for subhuman treatment.
If I show up, I matter. If I work for you, you pay me enough to live comfortably.

8. The Right to Be Human, Even on the Clock

We are not robots. We are not emotional punching bags.
We have bad days, bad backs, panic attacks, periods, and lives beyond the uniform.
If you expect perfect service, bring perfect kindness.

9. The Right to Dignity Without Branding It First

You shouldn’t need a “side hustle,” a GoFundMe, a brand voice, and a tragic backstory to be treated with basic compassion.
You are not a startup. You are not a product. You are a person. That’s enough.

10. The Right to Toilet Paper Without a Black Market

You think I’m kidding but remember 2020.
This is a reminder that the world can fall apart in 48 hours and people will hoard Charmin like it’s currency.
Dignity includes wiping, too. Let’s keep that in mind next time we slash social programs.

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Listen. I’m not saying I have all of the answers.
I’m not trying to dismantle capitalism with a breakfast sandwich.
I’m just tired. And human. And sick of watching people suffer in a world that has enough — enough food, enough medicine, enough shelter, enough everything — but still doesn’t share.

We don’t need to reinvent society. We just need to remember that we’re in one.

You deserve rest. You deserve care. You deserve safety.
And no one, I mean no one, should have to earn those things.

So yeah.
Maybe it’s idealistic. Maybe it’s too much.
But if we can imagine billionaires launching themselves into space for fun, we can imagine a world where nobody dies broke and alone.

Now go feed somebody. Hug somebody. Tip somebody.

And question everything.

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Keep reading for the original Second Bill of Rights, as proposed by U.S. President FDR…

The Economic Bill of Rights

(often referred to as the “Second Bill of Rights”)

January 11, 1944 — U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Excerpted from Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s message to Congress on the State of the Union. This was proposed not to amend the Constitution, but rather as a political challenge, encouraging Congress to draft legislation to achieve these aspirations.

It is our duty now to begin to lay the plans and determine the strategy for the winning of a lasting peace and the establishment of an American standard of living higher than ever before known. We cannot be content, no matter how high that general standard of living may be, if some fraction of our people — whether it be one-third or one-fifth or one-tenth — is ill-fed, ill-clothed, ill-housed, and insecure.

This Republic had its beginning, and grew to its present strength, under the protection of certain inalienable political rights — among them the right of free speech, free press, free worship, trial by jury, freedom from unreasonable searches and seizures. They were our rights to life and liberty.

As our nation has grown in size and stature, however — as our industrial economy expanded — these political rights proved inadequate to assure us equality in the pursuit of happiness.

We have come to a clear realization of the fact that true individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence. “Necessitous men are not free men.” People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made.

In our day these economic truths have become accepted as self-evident. We have accepted, so to speak, a second Bill of Rights under which a new basis of security and prosperity can be established for all — regardless of station, race, or creed.

Among these are:

• The right to a useful and remunerative job in the industries or shops or farms or mines of the nation;
• The right to earn enough to provide adequate food and clothing and recreation;
• The right of every farmer to raise and sell his products at a return which will give him and his family a decent living;
• The right of every businessman, large and small, to trade in an atmosphere of freedom from unfair competition and domination by monopolies at home or abroad;
• The right of every family to a decent home;
• The right to adequate medical care and the opportunity to achieve and enjoy good health;
• The right to adequate protection from the economic fears of old age, sickness, accident, and unemployment;
• The right to a good education.

All of these rights spell security. And after this war is won we must be prepared to move forward, in the implementation of these rights, to new goals of human happiness and well-being.

America’s own rightful place in the world depends in large part upon how fully these and similar rights have been carried into practice for our citizens.

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This post was powered by empathy and espresso. Fuel the next one. ☕

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